[…] or two, the conflict or goal, what’s at stake, and the action the characters will take (see Rachelle Gardener’s post on the subject). “Love is all you need” is fine because you’ve connected it with the song lyric, but having two cliches in one sentence might lead agents and editors to think that you’re writing will be riddled with them. Abbey shared a kiss with a stranger, unaware someone saw and now wants her dead, but with the help of her best friend, maybe she can survive the night. Hmmm. The conflict has more to do with the past than the present; their new foster homes are safe and supportive. Officer Wesley Emerson’s dream life shatters forcing him to return home and face his life choices and the woman he once left behind. he must choose between destroying his career or keeping his integrity. That’s a good catch. Hi Melinda, this sounds like an interesting concept. No, I mean survive period. The brain injury in the intro does not prepare me for the ending “in the rival’s body.” That concept should be introduced earlier. I think that you may just have a typo (which is really easy to do when writing these comments). Your pitch is good, but here are a couple of suggestions that I think would make it stronger. […] where the one-sentence summary, or logline, comes in. On the day of his promotion, Officer Wesley Emerson’s dream life becomes a nightmare that leads him to question himself and his past choices. They had two children. This is the problem, the issue, or the topic of your non-fiction book. Another time he was thought by hospital psychiatrists to be rehabilitated and was given unsupervised probation. Yes, the plot is that West is learning how to deal with Laurel’s disorder and her dad’s detachment. Maybe: A Teach For America navigates racial tension, the dilemma of failing students, and government beurocracy,only to find himself fired and forced to transition to another school. Coming in off the ledge for a minute to play, then back to work dodging pigeons: “While Josie poses as Kennedy’s mommy to protect him, she finds unexpected love, until the birth mom’s appearance threatens all she loves with the truth.” (25 wds), (Hmm…Am I the only one writing romantic relational drama?). Mine is probably a bit weak, but here it is: When a woman wins dance lessons and chance to help foster children, she must learn to trust her husband’s lead while dancing with another man. It may consist of a subject and a verb yet fails to communicate a complete thought. No foreigner had ever been invited to dance at the Bolshoi Ballet Theater, but when a 15-year old Texan ballerina leaves her home to go study ballet in Moscow, Russia, she is determined to beat culture shock, one of the world’s most difficult languages, a frozen city awash in oligarch money and corruption, and a cast of insane-genius ballet teachers on her way to achieving her dream of becoming the first American woman to dance behind the red velvet curtain. you are amazing! 2. Lotsa changes lately, starting middle school, really hard family stuff… I’m thinking going through “La Porta” fixes things, only problem, it’s forbidden. You’re welcome, R.A. and I understand what you mean. Hi, Christine! When humans have finally destroyed the Earth, Allistaire Crowe Pratt must ensure humanity’s survival by working with the sentient plants that are taking over the landscape. I want to read it! Stakes = ? A teen werewolf who can’t stand the sight of blood seeks revenge on the vampire who killed his best friend, and totally has to survive long enough to take his girlfriend on their first, actual date. I just hope that there are many people out there who will enjoy your work. Not one person, nobody. GRIN. relationships? Alright, I know I kinda missed the party on this one, but I’m finally catching up on emails. The story of a goal-orientated news producer who finds something she can’t check off a list – her husband’s disability. (“Threeland,” MG novel). The sentence is quite vague. This controversy lasted over twenty years. P.J. Killing other vampires? You’ve established the link between the two patients, but not the stake that the doctor faces. I wish you luck! How is this trip through memory lane unique and gripping? The following examples show how this works: An imperative sentence is a lot similar to a declarative sentence in form but is easily distinguished through the message being conveyed. Does it help? Independent Aurora has it all: beauty, brains, and a loving family. Michael is pulled from his life of leveling characters when he is bitten by a vampire. Thanks for the help! Good point, Lisa. On his 50th birthday, this wealthy and successful family man takes advice from an old friend sending him on a downward spiral of online gambling, drugs and sex addictions. I’d take a stab at it, but I keep locking up on details and erase. 26 words for my memoir “The Last Championship”: A son watches his father play senior softball and learns to reconcile the bitter end of his baseball career by playing again after ten years away. How about a minor tweak then, to remove the word “out”: A teen werewolf who can’t stand the sight of blood seeks revenge on the vampire who killed his best friend, and must survive long enough to take his girlfriend on their first, actual date. Think of it! Who is Braeden? The son of the mercenary who assassinated JFK sets out to extort and inflict pain on those conspirators still living who killed his mother and aunt. First, I sent it as 25 words, but someone wrote and ask for more. I would try to include a hint of the internal conflicts that occur in the main character – does he face racism he didn’t know he had? Sorry that my mind tends to think the worst before thinking the best, so “mistress” just didn’t work for me (though I do know what it means in that sense–it just threw me off). This is a non-fiction. Sounds good. It’s observation humor, non-fiction, I should have stated that! Originally I focused on the widow’s conflict but couldn’t boil it down to one sentence. I like the play on lead and dancing, but I want to know what’s at stake. Not sure if anyone is still posting on this topic, but wanted to try I welcome and appreciate any and all comments. This is too general for me. . I’m writing my proposal now, and getting this part Right continues to be a challenge for me. A Romeo and Juliet in reverse, the friends and family want the wounded warrior and the reluctant healer tied together before she flies off, and he sails away, in three weeks. I meant to mention that the new stable hand was the guy who caused the accident..yeah… Thanks! When she tries to prevent the next death from happening she is stopped by Zac, a boy with a secret of his own. Critical feedback will be greatly appreciated. Not sure. "paranormal meets psycho meets budding love." One line summary for “The Sacrificial Lamb.”. It would appear that you have an almost bionic ability at crafting these things. I think “insane genius” is confusing, not offensive. When Thomas McCadden slips through a “Thin Place” and ends up in 643 AD Britain, he discovers another time traveler’s evil plot to disrupt history. Name names pls. New veterinarian, Julie Hastings, has been taught by her stepfather that not all beasts run on four feet, now she must face another truth: some beasts are good.